|Saturday, February 9th, 2002|
|Yay! Spring Break!
Yes - as I promised - I am out of that mood - I am actually in a very good mood!
So I'm surfing the web for no particular reason and I go back to Micheal Moore's page to read his latest message - turns out that message is about his upcoming book tour(!!) He's gonna be in Chicago over my spring break!!! AHHH!
So I start thinking of people who would haul ass to Chicago in March with me to see Micheal Moore... I have an idea but I know it's pretty bad from the beginning. I turn to Charity (the handy dandy roommate friend) and suggest my idea. She (saving me from myself) says she'll go will me! Yay!
Now I just need a job because I know the $50 in my checking account and my parents are not going to fund this plan. I have an application for where Charity works - I'm told I could get a job pretty easily - but I'm pretty realistic with my unemployability. But I definitely think I will spend some quality time in fast food for this one - if I have to.
Sadly :( Atom and His Package are playing in Chicago that week... but on the 9th - too far ahead of the book signing :P I think I'll live though :D Current Mood: excited
|Thursday, February 7th, 2002|
|I am far too lazy for this...
MMmm... these pills help me sleep.
Being idle is definitely not a good thing for me. When I'm busy I tend to not think except perhaps on those walks between classes or the drives in my car. When I am in class, doing homework, or working with the ponies I don't think about things.
Right now I'm in the room alone with nothing much to do (or nothing that I really want to do right now) and it really isn't good at all. These are the times when I consider myself a depressive.
This is why I don't want to go home for spring break. I am not only faced directly with those things that bother me - I'm also constantly idle. Too much time to think.
But of course - staying in K-ville over break isn't going to do much good for me either. There are places I could go - but home is the only one I could really do. Maybe something good will happen. :)
I'm in a weird mood right now (as you can tell). I'm really not this bad :) Only when I'm idle and alone... Current Mood: contemplative
|Monday, February 4th, 2002|
First, before I start writing - I want to thank Jenny for the idea of 'Patheticute' :)
I often think of myself as being pathetic - especially recently. I am pathetic in relationships - but more than that - I am pathetic at the end of relationships. I can't let people go.
I have lost several close people in the last year or so, and it has been so hard on me. I find myself thinking constantly of them and coming up with just one more thing I could say that might change things. I don't necessarily want to change things back to the way they were - because they can't be the same. I am a very different person - and notably so are they. But I feel an emptiness that I have lost something in them.
The pathetic part is that they have made it clear that they don't feel the same way. I feel pathetic that I am so disposable - I can go from being so close to an annoyance who won't 'let go' or 'get over' them.
My problem is that when I try to reach out to them I want to say "I am happy right now, I am happy with where I am - but it would be better if you were part of it" but it always comes out as "I can't live without you"... which compels them (although this might be unintentional) to show me how easily they can live without me.
It hurts more because in most cases I end up feeling used. I was there because I was convenient (or easy). I am such a full person, it's hard to deal with being used for the most superficial parts.
But what is so wrong about caring too much about people? What kind of world do we live in? To have purely caring and friendly intentions and for that to be seen as deviant behavior. It's kind of sick and makes me very angry at some of the people who have pushed me away.
Depressing random though, eh?
|Wow - Back!
Ok - so I can't figure out how to get rid of those old updates... they're really old!
You probably got to this page from my webpage (Hippo Pete's Palace:)... anyway - if you read the random writings page - it sort of reminded me that I should start writing again like that. Well so I decided to use this page to do that - since I don't have to go updating HTML everyday (as if I'll even do this everyday - it will probably end up being once or twice then never again - LoL)
Feel free to comment and give me random topics - as that will help me write and end up being pretty amusing. So yeah - it's almost 1AM and I have a class in the morning... Current Mood: artistic
|Friday, November 17th, 2000|
Alright, Jen noticed that I hadn't written in this for a long time. I don't really have much to say (I'm actually working on something else right now ) But I wrote.
Current Mood: amused
|Tuesday, August 22nd, 2000|
Have to go to school tomorrow. Have to go to school tomorrow. I hate school. I hate school. ::sigh:: Current Mood: crappy
quixotic... cool , that's how I usually am about everything but I didn't know there was a word for it:)
Current Mood: quixotic
|Monday, August 21st, 2000|
| I just finished updating one of my webpages so I feel good about myself:). Someday I have to get to my horse page... but I never know when that is going to happen.
Nothing much has been going on lately... just living until school starts (Wednesday!)...
Current Mood: accomplished
|Saturday, August 19th, 2000|
So now I'm home again. Nothing much exciting going on. Thought I would write in this just to keep me writing in this (logical, ha!). I have nothing better to do... so I am chatting... I, again, realize why I don't like to chat. I should probably go to bed. I am tired... but heck... where's the fun in that? Current Mood: tired
|Friday, August 18th, 2000|
Hey... I just got home from giving a riding lesson (kid fell off.. very tramatic). I'm rather tired... Current Mood: blah
|Thursday, August 17th, 2000|
I'm really rather happy right now! Amused (see mood ). My car is fixed! Well... it was being all weird like it was dying again and then ::bam:: it was fine! My lovely car with power and the ability to go over 10mph is back!
Current Mood: amused
Good morning. I'm not overly happy right now. I am waiting for a phone call and I have nothing better to do than be on the computer. I registered for school today. I do get to 'graduate early' in a way, so I am happy. I don't even like to be in the school, I can't imagine having to spend all year there again. I got my parking permit even though I don't technically have a car right now. If you don't know (which I'm guessing, you don't) the transmission went out on my lovely carmobile. Instead of getting another old car... we're fixing mine. I hope before school starts... but don't know how long these things take... or when we'll have the money to do it. In the mean time I've been driving my mom to work and taking around the escort during the day (I hate that car). Current Mood: hungry
|Wednesday, August 16th, 2000|
So, um, I just got this, and I don't know how interesting it will be. I was slightly interested in reading other people's journals... so I was sure people would be completely obsessed with mine :P. So, here it is, my first one:). Read, enjoy, come back later:) Current Mood: apathetic